Kuroo no Yuutsu
by CruelisnotMasonBlue
Summary: Kuroo starts his university life in Tokyo with a stormy confession out of the blue. Long build fic about Kuroo dealing with feelings
1. Lights spilled through Space

The light of his phone screen lit up, but his eyes only cast to the side for a second, then moved back to the text in front of him. The windows in the library always seemed small to him, in comparison to the size of the room he was. Winter was especially annoying, because there was about an hour between the moment there was no light coming in from the outside, since the sun set early in the evening and the point the electric light went on. Kuroo spent a whole lot of time in the university library all semester long and even during the time everyone enjoyed their break, he was sometimes sitting around in the library aimlessly looking through some books. His friends called him a nerd ("and a bad one on top") for all his diligent studying, but loved him anyway.

He just finished some assignment for one chemistry class which wasn't particularly hard – but he was still feeling like he could just continue to work on something. Or just read – and gain knowledge about unimportant stuff. "I'm weird", he muttered to himself and went through the pile of books on the table in front of him. He had found a couple of interesting titles while walking through the library after he had hit sent on one of the rather old computers in the library.

 _Modern Chinese Linguistics_ was written in thick brown letters on the beige binding of the book he grabbed next _. I have no clue about Chinese_ , Kuroo thought to himself and scanned through the first chapter. It was well written, Kuroo found, and somehow interesting to read. After a while his thoughts drifted away and he started to think about all those books waiting in the library to be discovered and all the information he would read once and then probably forget. Also about what he would eat tonight and if he would call his parents again next week.

His phone screen lit up again. He moved his head to look which message showed up on the screen, then grabbed it and leaned back to read everything he missed in the last couple of hours.

"Let's meet up!"

"I know you're already finished! Let's meet up! I'm hungry! Foodplace at the subway station, yea"

Kuroo slowly stood up and packed his phone in his back pocket. He put the books away and grabbed his bag to go meet up with the impatient person waiting at the subway station near his flat.

"Material and Life Science?", Bokuto had asked when Kuroo presented him what he was going to do after High School. "I don't know, that just sounds super-philosophical." Kuroo looked up from the bowl of soup in front of him to examine his buddy. "It's a mix of chemistry, physics and biology actually." He took the ceramic spoon laying behind the enormous bowl of soup, noodles and vegetables and put it into the clear liquid, slurped a bit of it and swallowed. He got the feeling he was about to come down with a cold in a few days and the hot soup made his throat feel a bit less hoarse. Today of all days their team mates and friends were all too busy with studying. It was irritating because today was the day Kuroo allowed himself to take a break from studying, and Bokuto, well, Kuroo wasn't sure if he ever studied at all, was the only one who could tag alone, even especially came to Tokyo to meet him and stay a couple of days. Therefore, it was only the two of them who decided to go easy and eat some noodle soup after training. Kuroo didn't mind going out alone with him, but he missed talking to _all_ of his friends. Not only one of them. Since they were third years, there was a ridiculous amount of pressure on them to study and pass the entrance exam for their preferred university – his parents had him assigned to some private lessons at the beginning of the year – but Kuroo figured he would somehow pass and get a good grade and at least get into a relatively good university, unlike some other people he knew. It was September now, and there were only a few months until he had to apply to a university, which would start around April. Like many friends of him, Kuroo was grateful for his parents to support him throughout his third year, but equally annoyed at all the choices he had to make and compromises he had to take. Kenma wasn't any help, if he was honest. He did not face that kind of issue yet and was pretty happy about it, playing whatever console game he wanted and sitting on Kuroo's bed, while the taller one would sit at the small table at the other side of the room and study.

"Maaaaaaaan", Bokuto groaned loud and stretched his arms way behind his back, drawing all kinds of attention to himself, "I wish I had ordered some Tonkatsu. I'm not sick like you are Kuroo. I don't need soup right now – Soup doesn't make you grow after all!" Kuroo felt a bit embarrassed by the way the guy behind the counter was looking at both of them, as if Bokuto firsthand insulted how they'd made their ramen soup.

"Eat your damn vegetables", Kuroo muttered and took another spoon of his own dish, picked up his chopsticks in order to pick some carrots from his bowl and let it drop into Bokuto's.

"Thanks man!", his buddy said and turned to him, awkwardly holding his bowl in one hand to be able to face Kuroo while eating. Bokuto pretty much never was able to read the atmosphere, for example that the people surrounding them where much more quiet and conflicted at the sight of a high schooler not sitting properly while eating– which made Kuroo grin while slurping some of his noodles.

"You know, I, on the other hand, just want to go to T-University! I don't really care about which major I'll take. Although sport would be nice", he rattled and some bites of noodles and vegetables fell out of his mouth and on the floor. Kuroo raised his eyebrow at him. "You know that's the hardest university to get into, you meathead? Currently I'm not sure you can even pass the Center Test, considering how you never study, man." Bokuto made a face, so Kuroo sighed and added: "Sorry. Just stating the obvious man." Although he didn't go to school with Bokuto or ever heard about his performance in school exams, he was pretty sure everything that went on in that big head of his was centered about volleyball, owl souvenirs and Akaashi's attention on him. So it was more than a surprise that Bokuto quickly recovered from his words and put on a confident grin. "I can understand why you would say this" – even the way he took a spoon of his ramen soup now seemed more confident, "I'm so good in volleyball, that you could only figure, man, he's so excellent. There can be nothing he's even better at! And that might be true, my friend, but I'm also doing well at…I don't know, what are we currently learning?", he seemed to truthfully think about it, with his eyes looking up and the cocked head, "Yeah, right. Math!"

Not moving for a second and just staring straight at him, Kuroo cleared his throat and shrugged. "Well, if you say so."

"Yeah, hell I do!"

He went back to eating. Kuroo got the impression that the customers around them always went extremely quiet exactly the second Bokuto decided to joyfully raise his voice. Maybe it was his imagination only - on one hand he was happy when his buddy was happy, but sometimes the attention Bokuto drew towards himself was a bit too much for him, at least on his rather quiet and shy days. He decided to still change the topic towards volleyball, since he wanted to know, how it was going along with the prospect of Fukurodani's captain going away. "Anyways, how's training going?"

Bokuto grinned wildly and pushed his breast forwards, taking a deep breath and getting ready to rattle on about his team. Kuroo suppressed an amused grin, picked his bowl up and brought it close to his mouth to drink some soup again and prepared himself to listen to the excited but also really soothing voice of one of his best friends.

Kuroo got through winter rather well, although the cold made his throat itchy for weeks. Sometimes he would wake up from his own coughing at night and could not go back to sleep until he drank some tea. He had to skip volleyball a few times to further prepare for the Center Test and the university entrance exams in January, even Kenma started to mind that he wouldn't come to practice as often as before. He wouldn't say so, but Kuroo knew his best friend for years now and reading him was almost like breathing – it just came naturally to him. "So, you miss me?", Kuroo said one day when they were sitting side by side. Kuroo just took a break from his extensive studying and Kenma looked up from his handheld for the first time in a couple of hours.

"What makes you think that?", he asked after a few minutes of silence and tapping on his handheld again.

"I don't know, it's like I can read it in the roots of your hair. Your soul has gone black. Black like Kurooooo-"

Kuroo liked to tease and say ridiculous things to his friend, so he kept grinning even though Kenma's facial expression turned pretty annoyed.

"You're wrong. I'll be happy when you're gone."

"Kenmaaaaaaaa! That's rude, maan", Kuro poked his side. Kenma's cruel way of teasing would never hurt him – and Kenma probably would never hurt him in that way, if he knew Kuroo wasn't okay with it.

"You had it coming", he answered and Kuroo could see how he held back a grin. They sat side by side in silence again, until Kuroo hesitantly spoke up again.

"I'm a bit afraid, like really", Kuroo started, "I will live on my own for the first time. I still can't cook, I have no idea how to pay rent or how to use washing machines apart from the one at my mom's house…and for the test, well, I'm really nervous. If I fuck up, I will lose a whole year."

"Did you talk to someone about it?" Kenma's fingers were on a hold, not tapping and not moving, although his eyes looked on the screen. The second year student was fully aware that he wasn't yet in the same situation as Kuroo, and therefore couldn't just tell him that everything would be okay or that those exams wouldn't be that hard. At this point, he had no knowledge about any of it.

Kuroo thought about his question for a second, but he had to admit that most of his friends who also were third years hadn't really had time to meet up and just talk a bit for a while. "I talked to Bokuto. He was no help."

"I figured", Kenma answered and yawned. "Who could have known that he was doing that good in school."

"What?"

"Ah. Maybe you don't know, since you two talk about volleyball and muscle training all the time. Bokuto may appear really simple-minded, but he's actually passing with really decent grades. I figured he doesn't know what you're talking about because he never had problems."

"That's a bummer", Kuroo said and let himself fall back against the wall, "then he might actually get into Tokyo University."

"Akaashi said so, too. He hopes Bokuto gets into Todai and can help tutor him next year."

"Did he say that?"

"I guess he never tried studying with Bokuto before", Kenma told Kuroo.

"He maybe wants to major in sport."

Kuroo never imagined to found himself wondering who the hell would want to major in sports when that person actually had good grades. But on the other hand, he knew that kind of choice would fit him well. He himself might not seem like a chemistry nerd for other people as well.

"It suits him", Kenma said and picked his phone up to look if he got any messages. There were about ten messages from Hinata from Karasuno, one from his mom asking if he was coming home for dinner today, one from Akaashi and one from Lev.

Kuroo snickered. "You may not seem like it, but you're pretty social."

Kenma didn't react, but the strength he used to type answers back increased.

After a while they both went back to do what they originally had planned, which meant more studying for Kuroo and more playing games for Kenma. Around half past six Kuroo's mom came into the room to bring some snacks she had bought and some green tea for the boys. She patted Kenma's head and talked to him a bit, not minding the short responses she would get, and went off after telling Kuroo he should try comb his hair more.

They went downstairs to eat dinner when Kuroo finished up and put his books away and got everything ready to go to bed later. They long ago stopped taking out another Futon when they slept at each other's places, because it was a frequent hassle to store everything neatly back later.

"I'm dimming the lights, okay?" Kuroo asked and went to bed. He fell asleep quickly, while Kenma opened a game app on his phone to maybe play one or two hours before trying to sleep.

The day of the exam came and went by in a rush. Kuroo couldn't fully comprehend what was happening until it was finally over and he met with some he could talk about.

"Hey, cool that you could spare some time", Kuroo greeted Yaku whose cheeks were red from the freezing temperature outside.

"Now I have all the time in the world", he sighed and small puffs of his breath went visible in the cool air.

"I feel you. I want to sleep for a week – I also didn't know you'd take the test for Tokyo Tech until Kenma told me. You'd never guess he knows so much about people when he barely looks up from his phone screen", Kuroo laughed.

"Why you didn't you know? I thought I told the team before I'm interested in studying chemistry."

"You're kidding me", Kuroo said surprised, then signed the small libero to move forward to a small food place near Midorigaoka Subway Station with traditional Japanese food. Tokyo Tech University was far from the center of Tokyo. Kuroo had some spare time before the entrance exam this time and decided to walk around on and off campus. It was really quiet compared to the other universities he went to take the exam, but there were still a couple of food places scattered.

"Why? I'm serious.", Yaku said and squinted. "That place?", they stood in front of the food place Kuroo wanted to eat in – it looked small, cheap and there was already some clatter of dishes audible, which meant they were open already. "Well yeah."

"What about that one opposite of the subway station?"

"Yeah I went to that before. I got a stomache ache, a really bad one. Three days of non-stop diarrhea. Wouldn't try it."

That was a big lie Kuroo told – but he wouldn't admit that he had time to look at that shops menu in the morning and wasn't particularly happy about the lack of fish dishes. Yaku just accepted the lie without any doubt and pulled the blue curtain in front of the door to the side. There were some black Kanji on it, very traditionally written with a white frame, promoting "delicious food" which Kuroo hoped to find inside.

An old auntie greeted the two boys and told them to take a seat wherever they want – then came walking to their table to get their orders.

Yaku took a meat dish as Kuroo had already expected, Kuro of course, took the fish dish. His stomach grumbled loudly the second the auntie went behind the counter again and he hoped, that the food would be served rather quickly. "We can get some warm drinks on the way back to the station", Kuroo informed Yaku who gazed a small cupboard with beverages. "There was a family mart."

Yaku nodded and took some chopsticks out of a small container and two tissues, one for each of them. "I'm really happy that these tests are over. I don't feel I had time for our team in a long time."

"Well, there weren't any games in the last months, so I guess it was okay."

"I don't mean it like that! I had no time to see them, or at least less than normal. I didn't talk to a couple of them for 2 months now."

"Yeah, but they're really understanding – I mean, it's the most important exam for a while."

Yaku wasn't fully content, but didn't say anything about it. "You gonna join the volleyball teams in university?", he asked instead.

"Maybe – I haven't thought about it. I don't really know. I think I first want to get a part time job, maybe."

Yaku wasn't content with that either and voiced it now. "Kuroo, you are a really good volleyball player. You should continue with your talent." He put a lot of emphasis in it, but the boy with the black hair shrugged it off. "I only played it to have fun anyways. Why should I take it that serious, Yakkun~?"

"You're as dumb as a piece of bread! Hopefully we don't get into the same university!"

"Pfff, now I feel like that's a challenge somehow", Kuroo grinned and leaned back to let the auntie who had just arrived with their food put it on the table. "We are going to be best mates in university I guess, Yakkun~"

Yaku grimaced. "Enjoy your meal", he said and clasped his hands together, then started eating.

Kuroo followed suit, taking big bites of the Yakizakana he ordered.

"Do you know when we will know about the results?", he asked between two bites and looked at Yaku who similarly satisfied ate the grilled meat he chose.

"I'm not sure, but early enough."

"Are you going to move out?"

"I'm not sure yet. I could still live with my parents and save the rent. It's pretty convenient, but if Tokyo Tech accepts me, it's maybe better to move to Setagaya district. I wouldn't need to get up too early to go to classes – and I really don't like to ride on the subway for a long time. How about you?"

"Huh. I don't mind taking the subway but I think it might be nice to have my own place. But I also agree, Tokyo Tech would be pretty far away from where my parents live."

They talked on for a while, ate their food and decided to get some tea at family mart before they went to the subway station and parted ways.

As Kuroo lay on the bed that evening he thought a bit about the first time Yaku and he met – at that time they didn't get along, fighting because of every little thing. They got along better now, although they liked to bicker about all those minor things even more then in the beginning.

It would be nice to know someone at the university he went to, Kuroo thought to himself. Now that he could finally loosen up a bit and process what happened at the moment. He (maybe) was going to move out, go to university (it suddenly didn't matter to him which he would go to, if just one of them would let him pass), find new friends and maybe have some dates. All that seemed to be pretty exciting to him, now that studying wasn't the biggest part of his life anymore.

He grabbed his phone, typed a short message for Kenma, saying "I'm excited now", where he hadn't wait for long for an answer. "Happy for you", came back a few seconds later. Kuroo put an arm behind his head and went through his phone with one hand. He saw now that he had one missed call from this afternoon – he immediately called back before it would be too late to disturb.

"Heyyyyyy heyyy", answered the familiar voice, "how was it, buddy?"

"Okay-ish, I think. I met Yaku there and now I'm not so sure if there's enough space at Tokyo Tech for us both", Kuroo laughed quietly. "I found a nice food place near university. I'm sure the auntie in there gave me an extra big grilled fish, just because I'm such a charming high schooler."

"I don't get why old ladies always like you so much, but I figured, it's the hair", Bokuto said thoughtfully and made Kuroo laugh.

"Anyways, you good, Bo?" Of course he had to ask him, too. Bokuto was really confident about his entrance exam, but Kuroo still should make sure, that he would actually get in.

"Yeah, results already there. I guess you can call me a Todai-Student now! Elite University I'm coming!", Bokuto boasted.

"Congratulations, Boo. I really underestimated you. I can't believe you're such a genius beneath that thick layer of confidence." Bokuto laughed at that. "If you know yourself and your enemy, you can accomplish anything, man! You should never underestimate me! I thought I already showed you at the semifinals."

"Yeah yeah", Kuroo sighed, but didn't mind at all. It was the last game for them as third years and they made third place, which was something he could be content with – he had aimed higher, though.

"I'm excited we're both going to university now. I can hang out with you every day! At the library, at class, at lunch…."

"We're not going to the same university; you know…"

"Doesn't matter at all! I just going to bicycle to you all the time!"

"Good luck with that…"

"Man I'm going to be pumped."

"Get ripped man. Two semesters and you will be running while lifting your bicycle on top"

"Exactly. You're not going to be alone!"

Kuroo immediately went quiet. He knew Bokuto held his breath because he slipped something he shouldn't.

"Kenma told you, or what. Uncool man." Kuroo wasn't angry, but a bit embarrassed that his childhood friend read him like a book and then told his best friend about it.

"He's worried, I can't blame him. You can be really gloomy sometimes"

"I think it's the name-hair-thing. Black hair, name almost sounds like black. Sometimes I have dark circles under my eyes although I've been sleeping for ten hours straight…"

"Nah, man. Just don't isolate yourself." Bokuto held back, what he wanted to say next – but only for a couple seconds. "You will have friends as soon as you walk through the gate. You're super-likable."

"'Kay, thanks.", Kuroo ruffled through his hair, even more embarrassed. "Did Kenma tell you to say cheesy stuff like this? Or is that another part of your 'true self'?"

"Jus' stating the truth. Anyways, my mom just said I should get off the phone, because I'll disturb the neighbors with my loud voice. Gonna write you tomorrow."

They said their goodbyes and Kuroo let his phone drop next to him. He was exhausted and tired but plucked his earphones into his smartphone. As he listened to various artists and calmed down a bit, he fell into deep sleep. His mother would find him with his earphones still on when she went into his room to ask him if he wanted some quick dinner. But when she saw his chest move steadily as she approached the bed, she decided to took his earphones off and threw a blanket over him. Afterwards she quietly exited her son's bedroom to let him sleep the exhausting past months off.

"You already ordered?", Kuro asked the very second he came in and sat down opposite to Bokuto. He already had a steaming plate in front of him. "Yeah, you were taking hours to come here. I'm hungry. Did you finish your assignment?"

"Yeah", Kuroo sat down, "No Yakiniku for you today? What's with that?", he asked amused and ordered as soon as the waitress passed by.

"Coach said I should eat more balanced. So far I don't like it", he groaned, "And, are you happy to have finished that assignment you do not have to hand in before another couPLE OF MONTHS"

"Better do it now than right before the deadline", the black haired student countered.

"Not even Todai Students are as uptight as you are", Bokuto grinned. "Let's get you some meat, model student!"

"I already ordered. How was your day, by the way?"

"Nice. But listen, are you free this weekend?"

"Yeah, what's up?" The waitress put down a plate in front of Kuroo. He quickly thanked her and dug in. "You need some help?"

"No, there's a party from my department. We gonna make some BBQ and drink, you wanna come too?"

"I don't think I just can get into your university's department's par-"

"No, it's fine! Lots of people who are not from Todai will come as well. They will collect a small fee, so they are not spending all their money. But it'll be cool!"

"Well", Kuroo thought about it, "Fine, I guess. How's Akaashi?"

Bokuto began to boast about Fukurodani's team and how much they improved with Akaashi as the captain of the team. He admitted that he was a bit jealous and also offended that it went that well without him. Kuroo told him that Kenma tried to get out of the volleyball team but was dragged right back in by Yamamoto. The team was all well and they had some energetic first years who saw them play during the semi-finals and decided to get in Nekoma High because of that (which Kuroo found, was huge honor). It was also reported that Lev would only stumble and fall twice every time the team would practice, so that was an improvement.

The evening went on and soon Bokuto and Kuroo went back to the subway station. They lived in the same district, Takadanobaba, which Kuroo found pretty convenient – it wasn't the cheapest district and also a bit loud sometimes, but they both could afford the rent and were content with the location.

The took the subway for around twenty minutes until they arrived at their destination. Before they had to part, they had another 5-minute walk south – Bokuto complained how his legs were sore from training and why there was no possibility he could live at the subway station so he wouldn't have the trouble to actually walk until he got where he wanted.

Kuroo snickered and then yawned. "Well, Bo. See you soon."

"Wait!"

Kuroo was about to turn around and go his way, but halted abruptly. He almost lost his balance but could come face to face again with Bo without further problems.

"What's wrong?", he asked and squinted. He was getting more tired every minute, and they shared a bottle of beer that made him feel a bit dizzy (and therefore sad and weak).

"Kuroo! Let's go out."

Kuroo looked at Bokuto with a blank expression, then his gaze fell on Bokutos hands, that nervously fumbled at the hem of his own shirt.

The situation should be clear to Kuroo – normally. But right now, it wasn't really. He noticed how nervous Bokuto waited for him to say something and he thought bewildered about how the words his friend just said actually sounded. His heart was pumping wildly, urging Kuroo to say something.

"I'm not up for something else now. I think I'll go home, Bo."

He turned around and went ahead.

That was cruel of you, he thought to himself, but couldn't really put a finger on the reason why.

He entered his small flat after climbing fifth floors, only after kicking his shoes of at the entrance, and fell on the bed. The situation from before circulated his mind and became louder and louder. It didn't take long until he sat up straight in bed and suddenly could think clear again.

I turned Bokuto down. I think Bokuto asked me out…?

He wanted to send Kenma a message, ask about it – but he shook it off. Maybe it was some kind of misunderstanding, he told himself. We've been friends for a while, and it's okay to misinterpret some times.

More calm this time he lay back down on the bed and stared aimlessly into the dark. He would ask about it Friday, when they would see each other again, ask him where Bokuto even wanted to go and why not go there next time. Kuroo thought of all ways the conversation could go, Bokuto admitting he wanted to sing karaoke all night or go drink another beer, or maybe he wanted to do a trip outside of Tokyo, since it could be sometimes stressful here, but deep down he knew that he knew what Bokuto was really talking about.


	2. Glowing at the Ends

The next morning Kuroo woke up, feeling as if the evening of the day before had been wiped out from his memory completely. He was still lying on his bed and continued to do so for a few more minutes, looking at the white ceiling. He noticed some cracks in the paintwork and hoped his landloard was aware that they've already existed before he moved in. When he had woken up, his hands were slightly sweaty from when they were gripping the pillows. He positioned them every night, one on each side of his head. When Kenma asked him about it once, he told him that it was a ritual he started because when he was younger, their neighbours occasionally played loud music in their backyard, right in front of his room. Nowadays though he enjoyed absolute silence almost all the time, he still liked the comfiness of two pillows next to his head, pressed tight with his hands. But now, wide awake, he slowly retreated them to wipe them on his tank top and fold them right above his navel. Luckily no class today, he thought, and rolled over on his stomach to bury his head into the mattress. Ready to at least get out of bed, Kuroo rolled over again and sat up, head in his hands. The sun was bright enough so light could spread through the tiny window next to his bed. Kuroo looked around in his flat, noticing every little thing.  
His flat was not only small, but also practical. While he had some spare room in his kitchen, it was not really detached from his "bedroom" which consisted of a single mattress and a small wooden table next to it. There was no door in between the mattress and the kitchenette, which made eating breakfast as the transition of lying in bed and sitting at the kitchen table a short way of rolling out of bed and crawling towards food.

The kitchen slash living slash bedroom was the only room, except for a cramped closet in the small corridor. Regarding the low rent and the interesting view on silly drunken college students returning home around 2 am, Kuroo was pretty content, although he wouldn't mind a more spacious flat. Spending more money on housing rent on the other hand, Kuroo would mind a lot. It's only a place to sleep and cook, he'd said to Kenma and earned an amused comment about that since he moved out, he acted even more like an old geezer – and nothing like a real college student. But it still didn't make him change his mind: His stuff, books, games, sports gear, were stored at his parent's house for good. When he was moving, he brought four boxes of his stuff with him, conscious of the fact that even one more box would make the tiny flat appear even more tiny. What he brought to his own flat were only his most important possessions: Some volleyball training gear, some pictures of him and Kenma – and his teammates, some games, and some books to keep his mind occupied when he had nothing to do. Most of it was stored in the closet together with his clothes – he felt like eventually he might rearrange his things and overthink where he would store his clothes, since they noticeably increased over a few weeks

Kuroo stretched a bit, finally being able to fully open his eyes, and went to make some breakfast.

He idly stood there, slightly crooked, cooking some miso soup to eat with some rice he'd made the day before. He then sat cross-legged in front of the small table across the stove and slowly ate the food he made. It was light – Kuroo personally felt light breakfast was better than a heavy one, although occasionally he fancied some western breakfast, some pancakes now and then. When he finished breakfast he immediately collected his dishes and put them in the sink. It was the mid of July right now and incredibly hot around day time, so flies would immediately get into the flat if he didn't clean the kitchen.

In the middle of washing the soup pot he had used, he muttered to himself "What the heck". With scrubbing the dishes and getting his hands occupied, there suddenly was some time to relive what happened yesterday. Without further warning his mind was flooded with the memories, Bokuto's hopeful gaze at him and how he asked him to go out with him. Kuroo halted in his movements, feeling the water continuously drizzling from the faucet. "What the heck", he said again, started to move the sponge once more against the inside of the pot and put it next to the sink to dry.

Kuroo pushed some buttons on the small radio, hands still slightly wet, leaving some foam on the power button. The radio was one of the things that were certainly left by the former resident, and Kuroo sometimes wondered if they were forgotten or left on purpose. The air in the kitchen was moist, a good enough reason to roughly open the old and worn out kitchen window. The room was immediately filled with fresh air and noises from the street and Kuroo felt the atmosphere of a lonely single room flat simply vanishing. Putting one arm as a support on the sill, he could watch everything going on in those lively streets. Today was a free day for him, and he had only planned to look around the area and maybe see if there'd be any bulletins here, for part-time jobs. University life right now was without any haste and Kuroo became too adapted to the fact that he had comparably more free time than he had in high school.

He considered meeting with Kenma, although he might have done that a lot lately. Kuroo wondered, if Kenma was ever going to be annoyed because of him, or if Kuroo should come by his house less for Kenma's sake. He knew, Kenma normally did not go out of his own way to meet new people – and like the worried parent-like friend Kuroo was, he also worried that he would get into the way of Kenma finding new friends.

If he'd share his worries with Kenma on the other hand, his best friend probably would roll his eyes. And maybe Kenma could in return tell him some worries. Nice plan.

Kuroo got dressed quickly, slipping into beige pants, a shirt and sweater, before he left the house and got to the subway.

"It's Wednesday morning and you've got nothing to do? University life sure must be something." To be fair, Kenma was right on this one, and still, something about that statement ticked Kuroo off. In order to tease him, he asked: "How about your new nickname will be Ken-man? I think the guys at Nekoma will love it." Kenma side-eyed him without response, which made Kuroo figure that he had now pissed of Kenma, too.

They were sitting outside the house, on the front porch for a change. It was Kenma's idea to get some fresh air, which made Kuroo theatrical shed a tear and voice how his doubts about Kenma never growing up and get into the real world may not come true.

"Lev is coming by later", the blond one told casually, which made Kuroo spit out the juice he just took a sip of. "What", Kenma added, sounding annoyed, "You're not the only one who can change."

That last remark threw him off track. "I never said….", Kuroo started while he stared on the Mintendo Flip Screen that Kenma held in his hand. The character Kenma played ran and ran before he sprung off a cliff – and glided peacefully down to the ground. "It is okay for you to change. It is not the first time you do, either", Kuroo finally got out. Was Kenma annoyed because he could not keep up with his childhood friend? Was it surprising for Kenma, that Kuroo just did not expect for things to happen that fast. "I'm glad", he stated. "It seems like it's going well for you."

Kenma did not answer at first, eyes fixed on the screen so intensely that after a couple of minutes, Kuroo assumed that Kenma forgot he was sitting next to him. Which would be just fine, he added in his mind.

"There was something you wanted to talk about?" Kenma gave him the side eye again. He was prepared for everything else and gulped down the intuitional "NOT AT ALL" that was pressing up against the inside of his mouth. "Kinda", he said after a long pause of silence with the only sound being Kenma's fingers tapping. "Not really", Kuroo added reluctantly. "Sure thing", Kenma answered sarcastically without looking up. An unsaid "If there's anything, you can talk about it to me" hanging in the air.

Talking to anyone about Bokuto asking him out felt wrong in many ways, thought Kuroo. It may not be a secret (really, did anyone know Bokuto swings that way?), but the last thing Kuroo wanted to do was to tell anyone about the possible secret of Bokuto's sexuality. Was he even gay?

That word seemed so unfamiliar and foreign in his head, like almost no one ever talked about it. Like a word of fiction or a word that only existed in that nasty stuff young girls liked to read in manga. Kuroo knew by instinct, that there was a taboo to openly discuss the topic, although he couldn't explain why. The more he thought about it, it became just a word without meaning or any feeling at all. So, Bo's gay, yeah. Why bother? That's totally fine, totally normal for him, he guessed. But the confession…how to answer to that?

Kenma's mother's arrival was hardly noticed Kuroo. She stood in the door frame, leaning to one site, while watching the two boys. "Kenma, another friend comes visiting. Invite them to dinner if you like." Lev appeared from behind, eyes shining and his mouth twitching because of the giddy grin he tried to surpress.

"Kenma-san! And our Captain, too!", the tall half-russian volleyballer let himself fall down like a wet sack of clothing. "What'cha up to?"

"Nothing much, Lev! Nice to see you, bud. But stop calling me Captain…it's embarrassing and not even true anymore."

Kenma side-eyed him, looking at Kuroo trying to hide his grin, then rolling his eyes. "It's pathetic how much you like to be called captain by your ex-teammates." Kuroo did not hesitate: "Yeah, if you say so, _Ken-man_."

"Wow, is that your new nickname, Kenma-san? Sounds nice!"

Kuroo figured after the piercing glance that Kenma threw him, that he wasn't that welcome anymore. It was late anyways, so he didn't mind going home. "I'm going home, hope you two have fun. Keep me updated about the team Ken-man, you too, Lev." The tall one nodded excitedly and answered cofidently: "Next time I write you, it's about us winning!"

Kuroo gave Kenma a good night hug, waved at Lev and went inside to say goodbye to Kenma's mother as well.

The moment he woke up, he was feeling a sudden calm washing over him and unexpectedly Kuroo was much more relaxed the next day. He would have classes in the afternoon, but he decided to go to the university first-semesters' lab first. During the first week, him and his were told by the upperclassmen that the lab was free for use, and although well equipped through and through only used once in a blue moon. Kuroo couldn't imagine that anyone would waste a great opportunity to play with chemicals and maybe cause an explosion, but had to admit that his own motivation to pay university a visit when he didn't have to was limited as well. So when he went to the lab after class, extremly proud of himself for using his time to check out the lab, he was also met with unexpected disappointed that the lab wasn't completely empty. Only one person stood with their back to him, which arouse the childish impulse in him to sneak up behind that person and give them a good scare. The much more mature part of Kuroo was well-aware of the many risks of sneaking up behind someone who was handling potential toxic chemicals.

Kuroo took a breath and closed the door behind him. The person was still not turning around, so Kuroo figured, he had to introduce himself. "Hey, what's up, I'm Kuroo Tetsurou", he said, closing the last bit of distance to look over her shoulder.

"Hey, whatta hee-!", a girl his age turned around, almost spilling the contents of her test-tube. Even though I was trying to not sneak up and scare her, Kuroo thought to himself. For a girl, she was really tall and the lab coat, presumably the biggest size (adjusted to men's sizing) was hanging loosely around her arms and sides. Her legs were long but lanky, giving Kuroo the feeling that she had a grow spurt sometime during her middle school where nothing but her legs have grown.

"Why you're staring at my legs?" She asked him curiously, also a bit put off. Kuroo looked up, a bit embarrassed and also not sure how he should explain that he was thinking about her lankiness without being too impolite. "Sorry, I...do they not have coats in your size?"

At that remark, everything seemed to be forgotten. She put the test-tube back on the table, rolled up her sleeves and put her chin between her thumb and index finger. "I don't really know, I guess there's some kind of one-size thing going on here. None of the smaller coats will fit right over my knee, and I don't know if that one professor was joking when he came here last week, but he said that I gotta protect my knees... Man, he was probably joking." Awed by her own realization and also seemingly disappointed in the lab supervisors, her mouth crinkled and her gaze dropped, now she was standing there still, delusionally staring at her knees. Nonetheless, she quickly caught herself. Kuroo thought, she was damn weird, but also hilarious. As if she could have read his mind, she looked up to him. "Sorry Kuroo! I'm Han Mika. My mother's Chinese, so that's where that family name's coming from. Are you a freshman?"

"Uhm, yeah. You know, if you're busy here, I can come back any other time. Actually, I didn't really plan to..."

"Ouh, what? You know it get's boring here a lot. I'm about to do some fancy chemical mixing, so why don't you join me?"

Kuroo, feeling kind of overwhelmed with her energy and quirkyness, simply nodded. "But wait, where's the lab's supervisor?"

"He usually takes of when he sees me. I don't know...", she didn't think to long about it, "Whatever, I have a clear liquid here, did you already learn about the propanes?"

Kuroo lost count on how long they were in the lab together, but he eventually called it a day. "I think I'm going home", he told her, mind spinning, although he wasn't sure if it was thanks to her talkative nature, him enjoying making a new friend at Tokyo Tech and therefore talking a whole lot as well, or the acids which they took out of the cupboard and used in some mixtures. Luckily none of their experiments resulted in a major explosion and he had a chance to revise and see what he learned in his lectures.

He walked across the campus to get to the subway station, stomach growling and mind spinning. While he not expected to see anyone at campus around this time, he ran into Yaku who was on his way to the station as well.

They both looked in each other in surprise for a couple of seconds, when Yaku said: "Well if we already met here, why not go grab a bite together?" Although he felt tired and sore, Kuroo couldn't decline the kind of invitation that involved eating food when he felt like starving.

They went to a place near the station, famous for it's numberless ingredients for Shabushabu.

"Honestly, The first weeks I thought I'm going to get lost on my way to class, but now I know about every shop nearby." While Yaku spoke, he had to concentrate not to drop the meat. It was supposed to be dipped (alongside vegetables and tofu) in the cooking pot sitting in between the two students. "Very Impressing, Yaku, you are like a cat that can find his way home", Kuroo dropped his vegetable and had to fish it out again. "Hah, you've dropped it. That's what you get from being so snarky!", Yaku smirked at him and put the piece of meat in his mouth that he successfully managed to get out of the cooking water. "To be honest, Kuroo, I really couldn't like you when we where in school. But now it has changed, I guess."

"Ohoh, how so?", Kuroo inquired, still searching for the piece of vegetable he dropped. "I think under that flirty and self-secure appearance, I realized you're a big idiot and I have nothing to be jealous of."

Kuroo was well aware that Yaku always told his thoughts raw, not sugar coated, but he never appreciated how helpful it was. Maybe, because he already knew Kenma, and Kenma although not always direct, often was honest to the degree that it was painful to listen to him. "Ouch, but thanks. I never would have guessed I'm the flirty type." "You're kidding, right? You are some kind of sunshine beneath the cool hair and your cold face, you attract people like light does to moths. It's creeping me out, seriously." Being harsh or hurt him would never be Yaku's motive, Kuroo figured. He was grinning widely, stuffing food in his mouth and chewing, soon expectedly looking at Kuroo.

"And I hoped people like me for my character only."

They sat around in silence for a while, either of them focused on dipping and eating. 'Now or never', the thought struck through Kuroo's mind.

"You now, there's this guy", Kuroo began, already feeling awkward. He put his chopsticks aside, but having his hands unoccupied resulted into him touching the back of his head and ruffing his hair, making it stand into all directions. Yaku watched him squinting. He had to spill it out quick, or he would not at all. "He confessed. I don't know, why, but he likes me."

It took two seconds for Yaku to react. "Okay, what did you tell him?", he asked in turn, not surprised in the slightest.

"Huh?"

"Did you say yes? Did you say no? I'm asking about your reaction, doofus!", he said energetically and unfazed as ever.

"I can't tell if you're joking, why are you not surprised by this?" He sounded dramatical, since he couldn't believe that Yaku accepted the facts right away. On the other hand, if someone told him that he was in his situation, how would he react different?

"I don't know, but we all figured Kenma would tell you at some point. Guess he's getting impatient."

"What?! It wasn't Kenma!" Kenma asking him out? Kuroo thought it was ridiculous. How could Yaku assume Kenma liked guys?

"Who was it then?", Yaku challenged him. That made the situation worse. Yaku knew Bokuto, so telling him wouldn't be exactly right.

"It was ...I can't tell."

Yaku grinned knowingly. Since he seemed to insist it was Kenma, Kuroo had no other chance but to roll with it. He just hoped Yaku was tactful enough to not say anything misleading to his best friend.

"The thing is, I don't know what to say. He's a good...my best..." (Kuroo had to adjust what he was saying) "Best friend. In the world. How to tell him, that I think it's weird?"

"Maybe not by using the word 'weird'? That's insensitive, kinda. You know, you don't tell someone who's gay that you think it's weird."

"I don't mean in that sense. I don't think it's weird, but I would have never imagined he's interested in me, you know?"

"What's the issue, Kuroo? You're acting like you have the power to destroy someone's life by rejecting them. Gotta be thinking really highly of yourself."

Kuroo gritted his teeth. "Forget it, you're not taking this seriously."

"I am", Yaku said with a laugh, "You're really scared for such a tall guy. He gets over it. I think you have more of a breakdown then he will have."

"I guess." But it took Kuroo at least a week to grasp the truth of Yaku's words.

They parted ways soon after, both exhausted from the topic, Kuroo because he hoped Yaku was more of a helping friend, Yaku because he couldn't see the issue, also because Kuroo was too reluctant to talk about anything in detail. "Reject him, you're not interested, everyone understands that much."

Kuroo lay down that night, letting Yaku's words set in. Why did he mind so much?

Another thought circled in his head, right before he felt asleep. Kenma and him were really close, but still, why lead his first thoughts instantly to Kenma, when he told Yaku someone had confessed to him?  
In two days he would meet Bokuto again, so he could talk to him at least, clear things out. Two days seemed a comparably long time for Kuroo to prepare what to say, and although he tried to calm himself, he couldn't help that he got nervous thinking about a good enough explanation to reject his dear friend.


End file.
